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I spent an incredible week in paradise with my husband in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. We both agreed to use this getaway for resting, unwinding, and enjoying the sun without a care in the world.
Our days flowed seamlessly from the pool to the beach, indulging in fruit smoothies and having meals delivered to us while lounging by the water. Daily breakfast buffets filled with fresh produce were a highlight. It was truly spectacular. There was one exhilarating day of adventure when we went zip lining for the first time, conquering 19 lines and getting up close with lemurs and monkeys, even swimming in a natural river. My husband took the plunge, while I simply dipped my toes, finding it too chilly compared to the warmth of the ocean.
We also enjoyed a thrilling speedboat ride, spotting local birds and a magnificent manta ray. Those days in paradise felt nearly perfect. We listened to our own needs and acted accordingly, something that can be quite challenging for us as humans to actually pause and just be. The resort took care of everything, allowing us to fully relax.
At the beginning of this trip, I stumbled upon an interesting revelation about myself while finally watching Inside Out 2. 1
The opening scene from the Pixar movie and photo above featuring the new character, Anxiety, was a mirror image of me, her frantic nature, the over-accommodating tendencies, and her exhaustive list of tasks to integrate into the group resonated deeply. That’s how I typically operate. My mind functions like a 3D machine, mapping out all possible scenarios in advance to prepare for anything that might arise. This behavior stems from ongoing trauma, and while I had always considered it a skill, seeing it portrayed as anxiety in a movie hit me hard. It made me realize that I might be grappling with anxiety, possibly more severe than I had previously acknowledged. It was a vulnerable moment of self-discovery.
My husband has also been diagnosed with anxiety, and we seem to experience it differently. His presents itself in textbook forms I researched, whereas mine aligns more with the depiction I saw in the film. I haven’t found much literature on my version, but that’s beside the point. Coming to this understanding before our vacation, though unsettling, made my ability to relax and be present all the more essential during our time in paradise. I sensed that once we returned, life would launch full speed ahead towards the New Year. With work travel scheduled, a new house purchase, tenant requests and showings, holiday festivities on the horizon, and the ongoing discussions about if we are going to try for children (eye roll), not to mention my writing career, my HR leadership role, and providing support for each other amidst our anxiety, our plate was already quite full. And just two days after returning from paradise, I found myself in the emergency room.
As I write this from my hospital bed, having spent a full day of treatment that finally cleared my mind, I am on an oxygen tank and being monitored until my oxygen levels stabilize. After landing back in the states, I developed a sinus infection and exacerbated a dormant respiratory issue from my travels, a perfect storm for health complications that led my lungs to constrict and block my airways. I woke up struggling to breathe, expressing to my husband what I had told my dad nearly two decades ago during a similar episode. Normally, I share anecdotes to illustrate my points, but honestly, I’m just worn out and want to convey the imperfections of life I mention on my about page. Life is unpredictable; one moment you can be living the dream, and the next you’re fighting for breath, holding onto the belief that this too shall pass.
Right now, I’m focusing on taking it one breath at a time, and I encourage all of you to do the same—take it one moment, one step at a time.
Our shadows, though they may not feel cute, or curated or gentle, also deserve a place in our lives. When we allow ourselves to express those hidden parts, they connect us in unique ways.
Join the conversation:
Have you ever experienced a significant health scare? How did it change your perspective on life?
Have you recently discovered something new about your mental health or neurodivergence? How has this self-awareness impacted your life?
Other Reads:
Eat It While It's Delicious and Hot
Shoutout to
for being my writing muse as of late. Another post inspired by your insightful essay questions. Check out the post that prompted the delve into the shadows and head to the comments. More to come on my shadow self.
Shoutout to
for this post that got me reflecting about if I lean towards one or the other and prompting an internal dialogue.Read this link to read another article of how watching this movie had a similar impact on another adult - https://www.self.com/story/inside-out-anxiety-reactions
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