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Is anyone else experiencing the feeling that the best phase of their life is just beginning? I certainly am, and it’s a sensation that fills me with both excitement and a sense of liberation. For so long, I felt as though I was living in the shadows of myself, dimming my light to protect myself from those around me. Often for survival to ensure I assimilate enough to not lose my job or to not get wrongfully accused or my inner voice reminding me that I can't get away with the same risky but youthful antics as my white friends.
It’s a strange realization, coming to terms with the fact that I had been obscuring my true self, all in the name of self -preservation or a defense mechanism. I knew from growing up in a predominantly white town, that diluting my expression would make me more palatable, more likable. I did not realize it then, but even as a young girl, I knew I had to play this game with my identity to achieve a certain level of financial comfort. I’ve discovered that this mindset was rooted in my childhood experience. The choices of my Haitian immigrant parents make sense now. Prepare her for the world she will be thrusted into. This country and maybe even the world still panders to whiteness regardless of what you are and growing up in a very white town prepared me for this. The skills I developed to navigate this truth were crucial when I was younger but not anymore. I am sitting pretty now. Wait, dare I say maybe even living the soft life.
The work I put in years ago has now allowed me to spend time away from the influence of others, diving deep into the recesses of my own identity. Who am I when I’m not catering to the whims of a dominant group? This exploration has been both challenging and enlightening. As I emerged from this hermit mode, I realized I had learned to detach myself from the cacophony of external opinions. It wasn’t about building walls around my heart; rather, it was about discerning who truly meant well for me and who didn’t.
This newfound clarity is this growing confidence within me, one that can only be born from becoming comfortable in my skin. I am no longer the character in an old narrative; I am the author of a new reality, and it feels exhilarating.
As I reflect on this journey, I can say I have been through some shit. I have been emotionally abused, had a partner attempt to physically assault me, sexually assaulted more than once, and racially attacked several times and those are no light matters by any means. Yes, I’ve grieved—properly, I might add—but it’s essential to allow those old timelines to find their rightful place in the history of my life. Holding onto stories and experiences that once threatened to destroy me only serves to keep me playing small. I am being elevated to step into a new phase of my life, one where I exert true authority over my life. Allowing myself to softly step into my greatness, leaving anyone who isn’t elevating with me behind.
This transition isn’t just about personal empowerment; it’s also about recognizing that I’m not meant to navigate this journey alone. There are humans—friends, family, even strangers—who will appear in my life to reflect back to me, that my higher self has full control over my own joy and peace. But to truly embrace this support, I must relinquish the beliefs that have been held in place by old traumas, whether that is personally, culturally
or societal.
I spent a lot of my life pushing down and swallowing my emotions. Plastering a smile on my face because everyone’s rock can’t fall apart, but I’ve come to realize that this isn’t about bypassing my emotions. It’s about recalibrating my mindset to align with the new chapters that are unfolding in my life and this chapter, I choose me and thank me for getting myself this far. I’m learning to let go of thoughts or people that seek to tether me to the traumas of the past, and instead, I’m embracing the possibility of what lies ahead.
As I stand at the precipice of this new beginning, I feel a sense of purpose and clarity that I’ve never experienced before. I am ready to radiate the light that has always been within me, unencumbered by anyone else’s needs and demands of me. This is my time to shine, to express my truth, and to fully embrace the best phase of my life. And if you’re feeling this way too, I invite you to share with me in the comments your version of this.
Together, let’s step into the fullness of who we are meant to be!
Title and Subtitle inspired by rapper Kendrick Lamar’s song on album GNX.
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