When You Are in Transition, It’s Hard to Make Plans

Just Let Go

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Grace by Nia Birthday Brunch - Seaport, Boston

This year, I celebrated my birthday with a focus on letting it naturally unfold. As the week approached, I realized when you are in transition, it’s hard to make plans. My partner, Andrew, had just started a new job that was only 15 minutes from our home in New York. Just days before my birthday, he was asked to come into the office that week, which changed everything. Meanwhile, we are still in the process of closing our house down in Massachusetts, meaning I would be without my partner on my special day. My intuition had already prepared me to be flexible and open to whatever would come my way, so we acquiesced.

Typically, Andrew would plan a trip to celebrate my birthday, but that didn’t feel right this year. It would be too much to manage with the looming move and his new job in the state we are moving to. Instead, I had to pivot and embrace the situation. While Andrew was in New York, I treated myself to a series of spa treatments. I also spent time with childhood friends, who took me out for lunch and dinner, Substack friends, who put together a Zoom party, which added joy to my celebration. One of my favorite experiences was a water journey at the spa, where I moved between therapeutic pools and saunas for several hours in relative silence. I did not realize how badly I needed silence until I was in it.

I also celebrated with my parents. My mom listened to me and even put a candle in a blueberry muffin to honor my recent commitment to my overall wellness. (I am aware a blueberry muffin is not super healthy, but compared to a two layered cake, this was a vast improvement). It was heartwarming to know that she had been paying attention to our conversations and put together a thoughtful celebration. She also prepared my favorite Haitian meal, which made the day even more beautiful.

My improv team celebrated with me after my last improv show, adding to the joy of the day. This experience of letting others show up in their own way was liberating. I relinquished control and let go of any expectations about how my birthday should unfold.

Improv has been a transformative experience for me. It has taught me to get out of my head and into the moment, encouraging me to say “yes” to new ideas and build upon them. This lesson was especially valuable this birthday. I made the effort to say yes to how everyone wanted to show up for me and acknowledged and appreciated their thoughts and contributions, without convoluting it with my own expectations. By saying “yes” and adding my own moments of celebration like taking my pup Kimi to Boston, I created a birthday environment where everyone involved in wanting to celebrate me, including myself, felt deeply valued.

While I may not adopt this approach for every birthday (next year is a BIG ONE), I am going all out! While in transition, this approach allowed for collaboration and creativity, and the common goal was to love on me. It was beautiful. Embracing the unexpected and allowing others to come as they are made my birthday and my life richer.

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Leave a comment below 👇🏾

1. Tell me about a time when a celebration didn’t go as planned

2. Tell me a time when releasing your expectations allowed something better to unfold