New Me…No
Just a new year
new year new me
nope,
new year same me,
just a human living soulfully
embodied.
Loving myself in ways that society
wouldn’t teach me
because empowering me
would not make
capitalist America
any money.
So I learned
in the margins
in the pause,
in the places
they told me not to linger.
I learned in mirrors
that didn’t flatter,
in silence
that finally answered back
they started as a whisper.
Same hands.
Same hips.
Same bones holding stories
they tried to rush me through.
Same nervous system
unlearning the lie
that rest is lazy
and worth must be proven to you
I am not
a renovation.
Not a rebrand.
Not a glow-up sponsored by shame.
I am not a before.
I am not an after.
I am a during.
I am a becoming
that now does things my way.
I am cyclic
wax, wane, return.
Contradict myself?
Good.
That means I’m feeling
deeply
enough to feel the yearn.
Same me
but with sharper no’s.
No’s that sound like drums.
No’s that don’t explain.
Same me
with yeses that live in my gut
not my calendar
not by people pleasing
or chasing faux fame
This body
not a problem
not a project
not a thing to be fixed for public comfort.
This body is an archive.
A map.
A home that remembers
what my mind tried to forget.
They sold me resolutions
instead of remembrance.
Discipline
instead of devotion.
Hustle
instead of holiness.
They told me:
Be smaller.
Be quieter.
Be useful.
I said
I will be rooted.
I will be breathing.
I will be unreachable
by systems that profit off my exhaustion.
Same me
grief composted into wisdom.
Joy no longer postponed.
Power no longer outsourced.
Same me
unpolished
unexploitable
undeniably here.
So no
new year,
no new me.
Just me.
Listening.
Softening.
Telling the truth slowly.
And that
is my revolution
that doesn’t get virality
however
is my living reality
and is most importantly
the one that matters
most to me.
So no
new year
no new me.
“I am not
a renovation.
Not a rebrand.
Not a glow-up sponsored by shame.
I am not a before.
I am not an after.
I am a during.
I am a becoming”
phone nearly caught fire reading this. Damn
YES! YES! YES!